Inspirational thought of the week:
You’re not in Kansas anymore
Can’t be too careful that’s for sure
City lights will guide you on
Morning comes and they disappear
So write my number on your wall
And call me anytime
I’m so happy now, boy
You’re not in Kansas anymore
— “You’re Not in Kansas Anymore” Jo Dee Messina
1. Colora-duh (0-5)
Here at Bottom 10 headquarters, located in the safe where Mike Leach keeps the $10,000 per child he offered for them to run away with and no one took, we’ve spent this first week of October watching and rewatching “The Wizard of Oz” while listening to “Dust in the Wind” and sniffing a sunflower while gnawing on a barbecue rib. To see also : North Hopkins Cheerleaders kick off fundraiser with ‘Back To School Dance’.
2. Colora-duh State (0-4)
Why? Because after spending so many years watching bad football played in a stadium as barren as the Great Plains that surround it, the entire college football world is now migrating to Lawrence, Kansas, to watch the 5-0, 19th-ranked performers previously known . like the Kansas Nayhawks … and we’re not invited. Read also : Free and Cheap Things to Do in the Tampa Bay Area: Bucs Beach Bash, Fun Run.
3. Huh-Why?-Yuh (1-4)
I mean, you’d think College GameDay would at least call and ask us to sit with the Bears and provide some perspective from remaining dedicated to following a team that won 23 games over the dozen seasons before this one, right? A team that was as much a part of those rankings as pillow fights of the week, the coveted fifth place and making fun of Randy Edsall. On the same subject : Eagles acquired DB Ugo Amadi in trade from Seahawks. A program that was so bad for so long that we have annually included former head coach Charlie Weis on the selection committee for the bottom 10 playoffs.
4. Fres-No State (1-4)
Do you really think Rece Davis has spent as much time watching Kansas in the last decade? Okay, that’s a bad example. Rece watches every game and knows every player’s name and where they grew up and what their parents do… but you get the point here, don’t you?
5. The 13th Man (3-2)
Although we may not be invited, we will be watching from afar. Like a dad on that defining day in high school when his kid first turns to him and says, “Just drop me off at the corner and I’ll get out of there. I’m a cool kid now and I don’t want you to embarrass me.”
6. UMess (1-4)
OK, Big Jay, have fun eating lunch at the center table in the cafeteria with the cheerleaders and lettermen. Just know that when you inevitably snort milk through your beak when you laugh or trip over your own claws or fail to cover against the TCU Horned Frogs, the plastic will once again turn on you. And we’re waiting around the corner, the ones in the repossessed U-Haul truck with bald tires, Kansas plates and the “2008 Insight Bowl Champions” sticker.
7. Northern Ill-ugh-noise (1-4)
With apologies to Paul Rudd, Mandy Patinkin and L. Frank Baum, here are our bottom 10 rankings after Week 6.
8. Akronmonious (1-4)
The Buffs take over the top spot, outrunning their former rivals faster than Ralphie now sprints back to his trailer and begs to get out of Boulder and go back to his barn. Why? Because they fired not only the head coach, but also the defensive coordinator. The interim head coach is offensive coordinator Mike Sanford, who we all remember as the guy who led the Western Kentucky Hillstoppers to a spot on these rankings in 2018. Mike Sanford is actually Mike Sanford Jr., son of Mike Sanford, who coached unLv to several Bunn 10 rankings in the mid-2000s. The entire passage reads better if you go back and read it aloud while playing the theme from “Sanford and Son.”
9. Charlotte 1-and-5ers
The Rams followed up their stunning Week 4 loss to Sacramento State with an even more shocking 21-3 loss to Open Date.
10. Whew Mexico State (1-4)
The Warriors managed to escape their own defeat against the Fightin’ Byes of Open Date U., but only because the visitors fell asleep on the beach.
How does a team jump/fall from the back end of the bottom 10 waitlist all the way to No. 4? By losing on the road at UCan’t after being favored to defeat the Huskies by 23 points, that’s how. So, it takes over this spot that was occupied by Connecticut a week ago and UConn — wait … did UConn leave the bottom 10 and go on the waiting list? That’s even more depressing than the whole Kansas thing!
