The NFL, the Beatles and Bigfoot don’t have much in common. But thanks to a burst of craziness, they can all relate to the disturbing news about Damar Hamlin.
Like Paul McCartney, he is dead. Like Bigfoot, many people believe such fake news. And the NFL Illuminati is behind it all.
According to the “Damar is Dead” conspiracy theory, the Buffalo Bills safety dropped dead from a COVID-19 vaccine during the “Monday Night Football” game in Cincinnati.
He has been replaced by a body double, just as the Beatles replaced McCartney after he was killed in a car accident in 1966. The NFL covers everything because it is in bed with Pfizer.
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“It’s stupid,” Bills quarterback Josh Allen said on Kyle Brandt’s podcast.
Of course it is. But that has never stopped hardcore conspiracy theorists.
I understand skepticism about anything the CDC says. But if you want to persuade the public, it’s best not to do it while wearing a tinfoil hat and telling people to believe in ghosts.
This particular coverup would require the cooperation of hundreds of people, from Hamlin’s teammates to medical staffs at two hospitals to his family.
Hamlin posted a six-minute video over the weekend telling his story and thanking people for all the support. Naturally, the cooks said it was a computer-generated fake.
Like everyone else, I hope Hamlin makes a full recovery and starts again for the Bills. If he takes off his helmet and is actually Elvis, I’d like to apologize to all the conspiracy nuts…
Stud: Ben Shelton, who jumped from No.89 to No.44 in the world after reaching the quarter-finals of the Australian Open. Last year’s NCAA champion at Florida is the third-youngest player in the top 100.
Stud II: Novak Djokovic. A year after being banned for being vaxxed, the third-oldest player in the top 100 regained his No.1 ranking by winning the Aussie Open for his 22nd Grand Slam title.
Dud of the week: Cincinnati Mayor Aftab Pureval, who posted a video saying Patrick Mahomes should take a paternity test to determine if Joe Burrow is his father. The results came in on Sunday at Arrowhead Stadium. They were negative…
Dud II: The U.S. vaccination policy that prevents Djokovic from playing here and any decision maker who believes he poses a threat to America’s health.
Dud III: Stetson Bennett IV, who was arrested for public intoxication at 6 a.m. Sunday when Dallas police responded to reports of a man knocking on doors at an apartment complex. I’m starting to think it really was a body double that played QB (maybe Eli Manning/Chad Powers) for Georgia the last two years and wonder if the real Stetson Bennett IV is now on the loose…
An internal audit found LSU accidentally overpaid football coach Brian Kelly $1 million during the first year of his 10-year, $100 million contract. Call me Old School, but I kind of miss the days when coaches were so poorly paid that they noticed an extra $1 million in their checking accounts…
Jerry Springer was once the mayor of Cincinnati. NFL rules should prohibit any city that had Jerry Springer as mayor from trolling any other city. Not even Jacksonville…
Tua Tagovailoa remains in concussion protocol and will not participate in this week’s Pro Bowl Games. The “games” consist of flag football, a long-distance driving competition, catching water balloons and other picnic activities. I’m no neurologist, but if your QB is still too lethargic to throw water balloons a month after being hurt, maybe it’s time to trade for Aaron Rodgers…
Jimbo Fisher also overpaid last season
An internal audit found Texas A&M overpaid Jimbo Fisher $9 million last season … See the article : OKC Theater’s ‘Rocky Horror Show’ Rocks Texas: What You Need to Know.
In the latest attempt to whitewash its authoritarian image, the United Arab Emirates paid Beyonce $24 million to perform a one-hour concert last week in Dubai. Phil Mickelson immediately demanded that the Saudi-based LIV Tour raise his salary to $25 million per tournament…
Breaking News: Brian Kelly has found $430,000 in cash, two cheerleaders and a large bowl of gumbo stuffed between the cushions of the couch Ed Orgeron left in the LSU coach’s office …
Protest of the week: LeBron James was crushed while attempting a game-winning shot against Boston. No foul was called, so Lakers guard Patrick Beverly grabbed a photographer’s camera and pulled up a picture showing Jayson Tatum hacking James.
Beverly showed it to the refs who said James was fouled by another Celtic who was standing on a grassy hill so it didn’t count. They then gave Beverly a technical error and turned him over to the CIA…
Speaking of the Lakers, if you play James’ recent postgame interviews backwards, you can hear “Our playoff chances are dead.”…
This Just In: Beyonce has signed with the LIV Tour and will make her debut on March 31 in Orlando, where she has been installed as a 3-1 favorite…
That’s about all the space we have for this week’s Whitley’s Believe It or Not. Until next time, I hope your employer accidentally overpays you by $1 million and no one finds out.
David Whitley is The Gainesville Sun’s sports columnist. Contact him at dwhitley@gannett.com. Follow him on Twitter @DavidEWhitley
